Financial Jokes for Financial Folks

72 Original Accounting Jokes

1. Why can't the car payment make any friends?
   Because they're always "a loan"
2. My company keeps overspending trying to move this giant rock…
   In other words, they can't budget!
3. How did the accountant unlock their door?
   They used their ten key
4. Why do fixed interest rates smell so bad?
   Because they never change
5. I keep trying to tell my accounting jokes at work…
   But my boss says it's hardly "material"
6. What did the financially responsible student do to get good grades?
   They paid off their "principal"
7. What do you call really tall expenses?
   Overhead
8. Why did the accountant push the salaries, wages, and bonuses down the hill?
   She wanted to see the payroll
9. Why did the financial analyst give his daughter gifts today instead of waiting until Christmas?
   Because he understands "Present Value"
10. Did you hear about the new superhero, Accounts Payable Woman?
    She had superhuman li-abilities
11. Why are weather stations so bad at budgeting?
    Because they can only do a 10-day forecast
12. My accounting friend is so mean…
    She always laughs at my "expense"
13. Why do investors always buy Altoids?
    They're great invest-mints!
14. Did you hear about the accountant who threw a dictionary on the grill?
    He was trying to cook the books
15. What kind of spices does an accountant put on their steak?
    Tax season-ing
16. Why did the cowboy walk into the financial advisor's office?
    He was told it was a bull market
17. Why did Grizzly Adams walk into the financial advisor's office?
    He was told it was a bear market
18. Why did the Accounting Department host an awards show?
    To give the revenue recognition
19. Why was the expense late to the party?
    He forgot to put it on his fiscal schedule
20. Why should you buy stock in the boulder company?
    Because it's a rock solid investment!
21. Why was the accountant sitting on her front porch?
    She was waiting for her tax to return
22. How come CFOs never use lowercase letters?
    Because they're in charge of the "Capital" structure
23. What kind of debt did the secret agent issue?
    A bond, James Bond.
24. Why was the banker bad at playing music?
    Because they only knew how to play a Treasury note
25. What does an accountant use to hang decorations?
    Tax
26. How do you tell an accountant to be quiet?
    You tell them to use their invoice
27. What do you call a vendor that never tells the truth?
    A Supp-liar
28. What do you call a marathon for Accounts Payable Analysts?
    A settlement run
29. I bite all my quarters…
    Now I have a lot of bitcoin
30. How did the Medical Plan say goodbye?
    Deductible waived
31. Why did the cash analyst become a pirate?
    Because she knew a lot about treasury
32. How did the Marine pay for food on his business trip?
    He used his carpe per diem
33. Why are Accounts Receivable playing cards so rare?
    Because all of them have yet to be collected
34. What do you call a mean bill that hasn't been paid yet?
    "Accrued" Expense
35. Why did the investor think he could sell his lakefront property quickly?
    Because it was liquid
36. Why did the accountant keep falling over?
    She couldn't find her balance sheet
37. Did you hear about the accountant with the integrity of a set of novels?
    They had a lot of "book values"
38. Why was the accountant's self-esteem always so low?
    Because he never gave himself enough "credit"
39. How come the accountant never gave the asset any credit?
    Because she didn't want to bring him down
40. I stopped inviting Diversification over for board game night…
    They never wanted to play "Risk"
41. What do you call the military officer in charge of accounting?
    General Ledger
42. Where's the accountant's favorite place to shop?
    The GAAP
43. What do you call an "inventory" of boats?
    Finished goods available for sail
44. Did you hear about the creditor who got bored?
    He lost interest
45. What do you call a liability without any friends?
    A loan
46. I repaired the building we pay rent for…
    It's safe to say it's a "fixed" cost
47. What do you call it when a group of executives falls back during battle?
    A corporate retreat
48. Why did the clean freak hate dealing with Cost of Goods Sold?
    Because it always made their profit "gross"
49. P & L went to make an announcement…
    Well I guess it was less of an announcement and more of an income statement
50. Why did the clown business go bankrupt after 5 years?
    They had a large balloon loan
51. What kind of costs does a dishes company have?
    They vary a bowl (variable)
52. Did you hear about the butter company who switched to accrual-based accounting?
    They started recording income when it's actually "churned"
53. Did you hear about the frog who had $50,000 in debt?
    He "toad" a lot of money
54. I had to take out a loan for my lawn equipment...
    It was a great Annual Percentage Rake (APR)
55. I just invested in a bakery...
    It was supposed to have a great RO-Pie
56. What did the revenue fish say to the expense fish?
    "Net incoming!"
57. What does a volcano go into when it can't pay its mortgage?
    Bankruption
58. What kind of bedding does an accountant have?
    Balance sheets
59. What type of credit line does a door company have?
    Revolving
60. What's it called when a Mastercard kicks a field goal?
    Credit score!
61. Why couldn't they sell the Tower of Pisa?
    There was a "lien" on it
62. Why did the businessman throw all his money in the river?
    He wanted to see his cash flow
63. Did you hear about all the shared expenses going to Hawaii?
    It was their allo-cation
64. How did the mortgage on the deserted island feel?
    A loan
65. What do you call dogs trying to establish an LLC?
    Creating their "beagle" structure
66. Why are rabbits so focused on working capital?
    It's necessary for maintaining day to day "hop-erations"
67. How do you tell how profitable a butter company is?
    Look at the "net margarine"
68. Why was the fishing store so valuable?
    It had a lot of "net" worth
69. What do you call it when Quickbooks enters the atmosphere?
    Journal Entry
70. Have you heard of car accident liquidity?
    It's how quickly something can be converted into "crash"
71. Did you hear about the well-funded alphabet company?
    They had 26 sources of "capital"
72. Why is prepaid expense soup so thick?
    Because it's reduced every month

I really can't believe you just read all of those…