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Why can’t the car payment make any friends?
➡️ Because they’re always “a loan”
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My company keeps overspending trying to move this giant rock…
➡️ In other words, they can’t budget!
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How did the accountant unlock their door?
➡️ They used their ten key
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Why do fixed interest rates smell so bad?
➡️ Because they never change
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I keep trying to tell my accounting jokes at work…
➡️ But my boss says it’s hardly “material”
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What did the financially responsible student do to get good grades?
➡️ They paid off their “principal”
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What do you call really tall expenses?
➡️ Overhead
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Why did the accountant push the salaries, wages, and bonuses down the hill?
➡️ She wanted to see the payroll
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Why did the financial analyst give his daughter gifts today instead of waiting until Christmas?
➡️ Because he understands “Present Value”
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Did you hear about the new superhero, Accounts Payable Woman?
➡️ She had superhuman li-abilities
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Why are weather stations so bad at budgeting?
➡️ Because they can only do a 10-day forecast
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My accounting friend is so mean…
➡️ She always laughs at my “expense”
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Why do investors always buy Altoids?
➡️ They’re great invest-mints!
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Did you hear about the accountant who threw a dictionary on the grill?
➡️ He was trying to cook the books
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What kind of spices does an accountant put on their steak?
➡️ Tax season-ing
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Why did the cowboy walk into the financial advisor’s office?
➡️ He was told it was a bull market
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Why did Grizzly Adams walk into the financial advisor’s office?
➡️ He was told it was a bear market
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Why did the Accounting Department host an awards show?
➡️ To give the revenue recognition
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Why was the expense late to the party?
➡️ He forgot to put it on his fiscal schedule
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Why should you buy stock in the boulder company?
➡️ Because it’s a rock solid investment!
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Why was the accountant sitting on her front porch?
➡️ She was waiting for her tax to return
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How come CFOs never use lowercase letters?
➡️ Because they’re in charge of the “Capital” structure
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What kind of debt did the secret agent issue?
➡️ A bond, James Bond.
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Why was the banker bad at playing music?
➡️ Because they only knew how to play a Treasury note
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What does an accountant use to hang decorations?
➡️ Tax
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How do you tell an accountant to be quiet?
➡️ You tell them to use their invoice
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What do you call a vendor that never tells the truth?
➡️ A Supp-liar
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What do you call a marathon for Accounts Payable Analysts?
➡️ A settlement run
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I bite all my quarters…
➡️ Now I have a lot of bitcoin
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How did the Medical Plan say goodbye?
➡️ Deductible waived
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Why did the cash analyst become a pirate?
➡️ Because she knew a lot about treasury
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How did the Marine pay for food on his business trip?
➡️ He used his carpe per diem
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Why are Accounts Receivable playing cards so rare?
➡️ Because all of them have yet to be collected
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What do you call a mean bill that hasn’t been paid yet?
➡️ “Accrued” Expense
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Why did the investor think he could sell his lakefront property quickly?
➡️ Because it was liquid
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Why did the accountant keep falling over?
➡️ She couldn’t find her balance sheet
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Did you hear about the accountant with the integrity of a set of novels?
➡️ They had a lot of “book values”
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Why was the accountant’s self-esteem always so low?
➡️ Because he never gave himself enough “credit”
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How come the accountant never gave the asset any credit?
➡️ Because she didn’t want to bring him down
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I stopped inviting Diversification over for board game night…
➡️ They never wanted to play “Risk”
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What do you call the military officer in charge of accounting?
➡️ General Ledger
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Where’s the accountant’s favorite place to shop?
➡️ The GAAP
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What do you call an “inventory” of boats?
➡️ Finished goods available for sail
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Did you hear about the creditor who got bored?
➡️ He lost interest
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What do you call a liability without any friends?
➡️ A loan
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I repaired the building we pay rent for…
➡️ It’s safe to say it’s a “fixed” cost
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What do you call it when a group of executives falls back during battle?
➡️ A corporate retreat
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Why did the clean freak hate dealing with Cost of Goods Sold?
➡️ Because it always made their profit “gross”
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P & L went to make an announcement…
➡️ Well I guess it was less of an announcement and more of an income statement
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Why did the clown business go bankrupt after 5 years?
➡️ They had a large balloon loan
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What kind of costs does a dishes company have?
➡️ They vary a bowl (variable)
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Did you hear about the butter company who switched to accrual-based accounting?
➡️ They started recording income when it’s actually “churned”
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Did you hear about the frog who had $50,000 in debt?
➡️ He "toad" a lot of money
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I had to take out a loan for my lawn equipment...
➡️ It was a great Annual Percentage Rake (APR)
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I just invested in a bakery...
➡️ It was supposed to have a great RO-Pie
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What did the revenue fish say to the expense fish?
➡️ "Net incoming!"
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What does a volcano go into when it can't pay its mortgage?
➡️ Bankruption
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What kind of bedding does an accountant have?
➡️ Balance sheets
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What type of credit line does a door company have?
➡️ Revolving
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What's it called when a Mastercard kicks a field goal?
➡️ Credit score!
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Why couldn't they sell the Tower of Pisa?
➡️ There was a "lien" on it
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Why did the businessman throw all his money in the river?
➡️ He wanted to see his cash flow
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Did you hear about all the shared expenses going to Hawaii?
➡️ It was their allo-cation
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How did the mortgage on the deserted island feel?
➡️ A loan
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What do you call dogs trying to establish an LLC?
➡️ Creating their “beagle” structure
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Why are rabbits so focused on working capital?
➡️ It’s necessary for maintaining day to day “hop-erations”
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How do you tell how profitable a butter company is?
➡️ Look at the “net margarine”
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Why was the fishing store so valuable?
➡️ It had a lot of “net” worth
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What do you call it when Quickbooks enters the atmosphere?
➡️ Journal Entry
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Have you heard of car accident liquidity?
➡️ It’s how quickly something can be converted into “crash”
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Did you hear about the well-funded alphabet company?
➡️ They had 26 sources of “capital”
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Why is prepaid expense soup so thick?
➡️ Because it’s reduced every month
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